Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize