remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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