I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
