Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
