i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So squirting runs in the family.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
