Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
