I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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