The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
