I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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