Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
