don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
