when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
