my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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