dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
