remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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