I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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