my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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