I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
