Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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