Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
