just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize