The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
