he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
