On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize