The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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