Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
