she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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