Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
In America we eat man semen.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
