Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
