Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
