Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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