apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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