im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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