I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
