I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
