Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
