allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
