She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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