Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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