I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
