Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
