I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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