I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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