I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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