he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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