i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
