he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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