there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We got so high we made milksteak
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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