"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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