i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
