I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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