Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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