she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
