Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When are your genitals available?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
