Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
