Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize