with your own penis?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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