does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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