Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
