I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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