i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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