...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
