A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
