You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
