I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
