Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
