that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
