I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
