I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
