Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
