Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want her autograph on my taint
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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