I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You smell like stripper and shame
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
