I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
