I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
