If that was your dad, he is hot
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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