It's Friday. Sex?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just pee around me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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