yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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